So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
