when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
