i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
