i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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