During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
