I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She's the barista slut.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
