We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
