Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
