I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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