You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
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