You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
