I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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