i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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