i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
