Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
