I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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