Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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