It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
