the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize