i think my tv is drunk
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
