Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize