Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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