You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
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BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
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I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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