so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
