Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
