Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
