idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
