well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
just found out that she named her cat after me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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