It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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