My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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