I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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