In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
