We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
