What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
