3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
