shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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