we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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