Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
