omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize