Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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