Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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