I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
