Pants 0. Shit 1.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
