Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
