dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
