So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
