Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
