I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize