I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
