FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
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Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
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