Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
