if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
