take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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