Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I FOUND THE LEGS
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
