I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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