I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
