i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
be right there i have to get my cape
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
