I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
