You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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