My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
