No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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