if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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