i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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