My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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