Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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